You Gotta Love Them

What A Day.

After staying up way too late discussing Christmas and Birthday presents with my mother, we were up bright and early this morning for another round in the yard. She finally left around 11:30 this morning, giving me time to figure out lunch and what we were going to do with the rest of our day. After lunch and an enormous blow-up by K because the girls who came around collecting food for the food bank couldn't stay and play with her, we decided to head out to the library and get the grocery shopping done. I tried to stall and wait for hubby to come home from work, but finally had to head out with all children in tow.

I am hoping that the next time we go to the library I do not see my family's picture on the wall of shame as persons non grata. EM decided that the library was a perfect time to practice her singing pitch, while K refused to stay with either MB or myself. Then as I was trying to rush through checking out the books, K kept trying to stamp EM with a return date.

When I got home from shopping hubby was home and told me that we were going over to his parent's for dinner since everyone was in town for the football game and it was his sister's birthday. There went my plans for a meeting by myself tonight, not to mention I have started dreading heading over there because I just do too many things different for them. The easy relationship I used to have with them has become strained because of school choices and church choices and ....

Honestly I just didn't want to hear it tonight after being so strained with my mother's visit, that I am sure I showed up in a very defensive posture. These past weeks have certainly been wearing on me and grace I did not have tonight. No, I probably didn't burn any bridges but I certainly didn't let things just roll off my back for the sake of peace either.

I can't remember if I mentioned it but this week we learned that our pastor and friend resigned from the church, feeling called to lead somewhere else. I kind of "knew" about this already and kind of "knew" where he was going so I have been preparing for it. In-laws think we should return to Dh's childhood church, a place I never felt comfortable or fed. Not to mention there are some BIG differences, in my mind, that really prevent my from feeling called to be there. I have never told DH where he has to go to church, being that he is rarely the church-going type. In fact I told him to feel free to go back - but I can't.

Anyway, this was brought up different ways several times and I was made to feel like I was doing something wrong. That if I was a *true* _______, it wouldn't make a difference how worship was conducted and that I should "toe the line" because DH and I are __________. Un-uh, I never signed up with a church because of the name on the sign outside. If the church is not the place I feel like I need to be with my family, I am not going to be there. Unfortunately, scenerioes like this remind me of what I so dislike about religion; and how religion has to some become more important than living faith.

When the church discussion became stale - education/school was hit on several times. Finally after it was brought up for the upteenth time about how will MB transition back into public school. I finally told them that I wasn't very worried about it, because I could care-less if she ever stepped foot in public school. That I wasn't interested in working her to the level of a public school education, that I wanted more for her and the other two. They are all aware that MB is working ahead (at almost a grade and a half) of her public school peers, and that she has always leveled out between 6 and 9 months ahead. That is why she was in pre-kindergarten at 3. Yet, they would rather me insert her into a Kindergarten classroom to sit and twiddle her thumbs for another year - because that is what one does.

I do not go out of my way to prove anything to my family about what we chose to do. I really do not care to. Leave me alone, and I will leave you alone. It is so much more important for DH and I to know that all the girls are moving along the continuum - no matter what pace they choose to do it. MB and K have very different movement styles in learning. K tends to be very slow, methodical with progress seeming to move like a glacier until all of a sudden she makes a huge leap forward, beyond whatever was expected. MB her movement tends to be steadily forward, with rare pauses for her brain to sort through all the new information.

Yes, we sat in reading purgatory for six months. The mechanics were there, but MB could not put it together. I fretted and I worried. I wondered what I had not done. But I dropped reading for awhile and we did other things and kept on learning. She kept cruising on the continuum through her math, science and history. Until finally reading has started to click for her. Other things may suffer for a little while as she exerts a lot of energy on reading development. That is okay - because it will even out in the end.

Now, how do you explain to people who very way of thinking depends upon acceptance and use of societal norms. They believe that the best place for a child is to sit in a classroom and fit in with those around them. Every child will catch up or learn to adapt their learning style to the 'greater' one being taught. So, I generally don't try. But like I said lack of grace in my attitude tonight.

Tomorrow will probably be another emotionally jerking day. The visit service since pastor announced his news. We are going to have a potluck after the service and eat as the family that we are. I have been so blessed by this church family, it is very hard knowing that in a few weeks we are going to be out like seedlings in many different places and that it won't be exactly the same family. Some of my close friends will stay with the existing church and try to keep in going, others will move on with the pastor, some will go to other churches and some may not go to church for awhile.

Peace,

Amy