Awakening

Sometimes in life I find myself humming along feeling good. Everything is alright in my little world. Somethings aren't so good, but hey I will ignore them and concentrate on what is good. La, la, la, la
Things are so good and so right, that hey I will get around to my devotion later. God, I will catch up with you when I finish this. I'll just stay up a few more minutes and sleep in tomorrow morning, I can always find a quiet moment later in the day.

Everything is Alright. Why am I so cranky today. I don't have any energy. "Thanks God for my blessings. Hey, stop hitting your sister" "Why, can't he figure out how to put dishes away. Do I have to do everything myself." I'll just turn on the tv for a few moments I deserve the break. :Snore:

Hey, Life can't always be good, and it can be a whole lot worse. You have to do your math, because I am mean and I said so. No, I'm not going to take you to the park. Because I don't feel like it. Where is he? Yeah, God, uhm I don't *really* have anything to pray about. Thanks.

What has happened? Hey, God where is my thankfulness? God, God? Why do things seem so bad. I don't even want to be at home. Maybe I need to pray. Where did He go? I felt Him here a few weeks ago. Now, how do I do this again. Oh, yeah:

Lord forgive me for forgetting Your place in my life

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I cannot thank you all enough for your many words that are blessing me even at this moment. Life is moving on and I felt oh, so much more able to cope today than yesterday and the day before.

We got out today, I was starting to feel like the walls of the house were closing in on me. We got in the car before I had any idea where we were going. As we drove I decided hey let's surprise hubby with lunch today. So, we splurged and drove down to where dh works. We took him out to lunch and had a nice time of it.

Since it was 3:00 when we finally got back home (40 min drive each way), I just let the girls run some energy off outside. Every 15 minutes MB was asking if it was time to leave for the party yet. Of course, that was driving me a little batty. Then at 4:30 MB aske where the present for her friend was. OH, NO!! I ha put if off to the end of the week for payday - and it totally slipped my mind. Frantically I dug through our craft box and came up with a little wooden treasure box, some ribbon and pony beads. So, I put MB to work making a bead necklace and bracelet. She also made a ring using pipe cleaner and beads. Then we put the creations into the treasure box. The worst part of the gift making was K's insistance on trying to help, which generally ended with beads on the floor, which EM went after like they were candy.

We dropped MB off at the party. I am sure that I looked like a wreck, panting and hair barely back in my pony tail. Lack of sleep and stress. Friend's mother took one look at me and offered me a *drink*. I think they saw jet flames coming out from the back of the van, I tried to get out of there as quickly as possible.

Shortly after I got home my friend called and asked if we were still on for tonight. YES! I was getting worried because I knew I was not going to stay home tonight, but I could not figure out where I was going to go. So, I went an hung out with her for a couple of hours. We talked about my week and we talked about important things like stove shopping, home repairs and her new part-time job. I got my hugs and I felt refreshed after being over there.

The house was decently cleaned when I got home. The little girls were in bed and asleep - they even had baths. We still haven't heard anything from the party, so I am assuming MB is doing fine there tonight.

As far as myself goes, I am working on incorporating some changes in my life. This week has really awakened me to how many things I have let slide in my life. Some to the detrimental effect on relationships around me. These are not things that have necessarily slide just in the last few months, but over a long period of time.

I am going to have to start taking time for myself, period. This means that I am going to have to find some reasonable form of childcare at least a couple of times a week. Prayer time and devotion have to be moved up on my list of things to get done each day. Making meetings and devotion time are central to my ability to be the mom that I can be.

DH and I are going to have to make a better effort to be a couple, and not just a couple of parents. We have to find the time for date nights and just getting out, or even just staying in and watching a movie that wasn't made for children.

This all took time to unravel, so it will take time to put back together. But, the new seams should be a whole lot stronger.

Peace,

Amy