Well, I will not be expecting their call anytime soon. Yesterday I totally flunked at doing the mommy thing. The day started off well enough. We woke up and talked a little, decided to pick up breakfast on the way to the meeting, dressed and left. Ran by the bank to pick up paperwork, then a meeting. Except for EMs love of the Christmas Tree (I will be glad when they take that down) the meeting went well, the girls played their leapsters and then with some of the other toys. Towards the end they (MB & K) began to chase each other, but that is about normal.
Then gymnastics where I figured I might get a few minutes downtime as EM normally takes a nap and the two girls are busy. But, EM decided that today she did not want a nap. She wanted to sit on the floor, bounce on her rear and fuss, loudly. Other than that she wanted to play houdini escaping into the gym area.
We got lunch on the way home. I put EM down for a nap and turned on a DVD for the girls to watch. We ate and then I laid down to try to watch the movie with them. I must have fallen asleep. The next thing I knew the movie was over and MB was asking if she could go outside. I let her go and then went to try to find K. Found her her in my recently cleaned and organized bathroom giving herself a bath in the sink, using handsoap. I get her out and clean up.
All this time I am having squirrely thoughts that don't have a thing to do with the kids. But I am trying to focus and not let them take over my thought process. But this isn't working too well. I try making calls, spend some time in prayer and then when EM wakes up decide that a walk would be a nice thing - Exercise those thoughts right out of my head. I give her a snack and outside we go. Only to be meet at the end of the driveway by MB, her friends and their mother, coming over for a visit. No walk for me. Inside to visit.
Outside I am cool, calm and collected. Inside my anxiety level is rising, the record player that is my brain sometimes won't shut off and I am stuck. Once the visit was over it was dark and I wasn't getting a walk. I looked around the house and realized that as nice as it looked a few days ago, that the kids had pulled all of this stuff from their bedroom and scattered it around the house.
We entered total and complete chaos yesterday evening and DH had to be out for the night. The girls had nothing on shortly after friensd left. They chased each other, MB making K scream as only she can. This ear piercing, I am going to die scream that she can hold until you want your ear drums to burst so you would not have to listen to it anymore. They found their way to my bedroom, got into my jewlery box which is a HUGE no-no. While I am trying to focus them I discover that while EM is just barely able to string three steps together, she is an expert climber. And wants to practice that.
I managed to have them stop long enough to feed them. I sat down and tried to play a game with them, but everytime I went to retrieve EM the bigger two were back at it. I had it. I screamed, I stomped my foot and told them to go to their room. I went around the house and picked up every single toy they had dragged out yesterday, dumped it in the middle of their room and told them to put it away. I did not want to see them out of their room unless they needed to go to the bathroom.
I feed EM her nightime bottle and put her to bed.
I hate, hate losing it like that. I tried to engage them, I tried to play with them. Yet, they were bound and determined to push buttons and run and scream all evening. The stress of so many things last night and the inability to really do any of my coping "exercises" really made for this big explosion (at least to me).
With the girls all in bed before 8pm, I managed to go to bed about 10:30 or so - but ended up spending an hour writing in my journal. But still managed to get more sleep than I have recently.
It is time to tackle a New day.
Peace,
Amy
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